Questions to ask someone while you still can
The hard part was never the recording. It is knowing what to ask, once the recorder is on and you have both gone quiet.
These are the questions Ethos asks — 66 of them, grouped by what they are actually for. Use them with an app, a phone voice memo, or a notebook. They work the same either way.
Three things that make an interview go better
Ask for one moment, not one decade. “What was your twenties like?” produces a summary. “What song takes you back to a specific moment?” produces a story, with a room in it, and other people.
Follow the detail, not your list. The best question is almost always the one made of the last thing they said. A list is a safety net for when the room goes quiet — it is not a script to get through.
Ask how they talk, not only what they did. Careers are on record. The way someone opened a phone call, the phrase they overused, what their voice did when they were angry — that is what disappears first, and almost nobody thinks to ask about it.
The themes
Who they are
The questions that get past what someone did for a living.
- Tell me who you are — not what you did in life, but who you really are.
- If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
How they speak
Turns of phrase, filler words, how they open a conversation — the texture most interviews never ask about.
- How do you typically open a conversation with someone you don't know?
- Tell me a joke or something that made you laugh recently — something that happened or was said.
Memories
Specific moments, not summaries of a decade.
- What is your earliest childhood memory?
- Tell me about one day from school life — a day you remember clearly.
Personality
How they handle change, order, other people, and themselves.
- Do you get energy from people or from quiet and solitude?
- What do you do when you are under great pressure?
Relationships
The people who shaped them, and how they talked about them.
- Tell me about your parents — what did you inherit from them? What did you push away?
- Tell me about your siblings. What was the dynamic between the closest ones?
Values and beliefs
What they thought was worth doing, and why.
- What does it mean to you to be a good person?
- What was your attitude toward money — a tool? A goal? What wouldn't you sell?
The harder questions
Failure, contradiction, regret. Ask these late, and only if you have earned them.
- Tell me about a failure that hurt — and what you took from it.
- On what did you significantly change your mind over the course of your life?
Objects, songs and places
A photograph, a piece of music, a room — the fastest routes into a story.
- Is there one photo that you think captures a big part of who you are? Tell me about it.
- Was there an object that was very important to you? Why?
Everyday life
What an ordinary day actually looks like. The detail that vanishes first.
- Tell me about a typical day in your life right now — from morning to evening.
- What do you do when you have an hour free just for yourself?
Some questions are missing, on purpose. Ethos also asks about shame, despair, regret and the things people never said. Those belong in a conversation between two people who trust each other, not on a public page to be browsed. They are in the app, asked late, and always refusable.
If you would rather not do the asking
Ethos asks these itself, one at a time, and builds the next question out of the answer you just gave. You can also start from what already exists — a voice note, a photograph, an exported chat — rather than starting a fresh interview at all. How that works.
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